Are you "too picky" ?

In the time that I’m dreaming up my next iteration of coaching, I’m still working with a handful of dedicated, passionate women who are calling in their life partner. Truthfully, there are so many elements of this work that I ADORE, and helping women come to their OWN personal truths on their dating path is one of them. 

And I recently had a session with a client that addressed exactly this, and was too good not to share. 

Because what came up in our conversation is a crucial tool that will support you on your path to attracting what it is that you desire, whether that be LOVE & committed partnership, your new home, the next level of your profession, creativity, intimacy… 

My client and I have been working together for almost six months. We are nearing the end of our work together, and she told me that she feels as though she’s gotten so much better at the ‘sifting and sorting’ process of her dating life. 

Meaning, through our process together, she’s shifted from being stuck in her head about ‘what to say’ or ‘when to call’ or ‘do I give him another chance’ or ‘is this a red flag?’, to being in her heart, listening to her intuition, trusting herself and her desire, her needs, and just being present with each man she meets. 

So when she came to our call last week with some ‘minor complaints’ about the new man she’s been dating for a couple weeks, I knew to lean in and listen, despite her insistence that these were “just little things” and “they shouldn’t matter.” 

So often we dismiss these “minor things” because they feel superficial or trivial, as my client said, “they shouldn’t matter”. 

But the truth is, if these small, trivial things bother you, then they do matter, and deserve a closer look. 

And though, the small, trivial things that bothered her may be malleable over time, like the holes in his pants, or the stains on his shirt, or his unkempt hair… these elements make a statement about this man and the way he holds himself in the present moment. 

Upon closer investigation, we see a man on the nearer side of divorce, who simply has not had enough time to truly heal and come back into his best self. And she could feel that in other ways, that he wasn’t truly ready to be a strong partner for her the way she is ready, nor in a place to enjoy the lifestyle she’s created for herself. 

The problem is, we frequently pay more attention to the guilt we feel about noticing these things in the first place, dismissing what’s bothering us and telling ourselves we’re just being “too picky” and perhaps we “should be happy to have found someone nice”.  

Though, you might guess what that leads to: disappointment and resentment. 

So listen, sister. When these “minor things” pop up about a man you are dating, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got a dealbreaker, but it is an invitation for you to pause, drop any judgement you have about yourself in the moment, and dig deeper into the underlying message the dissatisfaction has for you.

What is REALLY bothering you about this? 

You deserve to have what your heart desires. It DOES exist, and it IS on it’s way. And to have that, you have to say NO to the opportunities that just don’t feel right.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s not a linear path, and loving and trusting yourself is the very best thing you can do along the way. 

I hope this was helpful, if so please let me know and hit REPLY. 

I love you so much! 

Be well out there.

Xo bex